Grief is stressful - go easy on yourself!
Shirley, 40s, found she had to deal to her grief-induced stress to avoid depression
“I hit 40 and felt like a bomb had gone off: the best of my life was over, my face would only get older, my body more pathetic and the chances of finding a life partner were zero! This hadn’t been the normal pattern of my thinking, I am generally happy and optimistic person, if not a little anxious from time to time. So what had caused this shift?
I wasn’t sure myself! But I didn’t do anything about it and things went from bad to worse. I got to the point where I had such anxiousness that I had stomach upsets and I didn’t want to go out or talk to my friends. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Luckily, when I got to this stage I was on a month’s annual leave so I didn’t have to face anyone at work about it.
Telling your GP is a good idea
Eventually I felt so strung out that I went to see my GP who was shocked to hear that a professional and normally ‘very together’ person had got to this state, but he dealt with my problems really well. He suggested an SSRI antidepressant called Aropax to quell the nerves until I could function better, and a course of counseling with a clinical psychologist.
At first I just went to get the counselling – but after the first session ( I cried a lot!) she suggested a course of Aropax as well, and I relented. It certainly had side effects for the first two weeks, but after that I managed to eat again (I had lost 5kg) and get out and about without feeling panicky.
What transpired was that I was grieving - in recent times my mother had died, a long term relationship had ended, I had sold my family home and moved into a much smaller place, and my job was stressful PLUS I was feeling the effects of reaching mid life!
In a nutshell, I was grieving and stressed – but hadn’t realized it, so I hadn’t used any strategies to relax or heal, I just kept pushing myself on all fronts. I had let things get too far down the track to get better without some medication and counseling.
Long story short, I took the drugs for 12 months, I saw the counsellor once a week, then fortnight and finally about once a month over the course of about six months and came right. She helped me reconcile myself to the losses I was experiencing then and in my past, and she gave me ways to recognise my stress triggers so that when they next appeared I could deal with them promptly and effectively.
Several years on, it's still working like a dream."
Top tips
- If you want to feel better about life, it's entirely in your own hands to do so.
- Don’t let anxious feelings get the best of you – seek help.
- Don’t automatically resist a short course of anti depressants – talk the matter over with professionals; if you decide to try them and they don’t work, or you don’t like the way they make you feel, you can come off them under your doctor's supervision.
- Find a psychologist you like and weigh up the cost of going, against the cost of not going.
- Be open to different ways of therapy with your counsellor, eg, thought field therapy.
- Work out what your stress triggers are, and find ways to deal with them.
- Find a relaxing activity like yoga or walking to relieve and prevent stress – do it often!