The rollercoaster ride of motherhood

Aucklander and new mum, Kim (38) gives sage advice about how to keep on top of things 

"Having a child definitely brought home the need to care for my wellbeing, and ours as a family. From the moment of our little boy's birth, my heart was a-flutter with the exhilaration and awe of nurturing a new life. Along with the highs came pure exhaustion and the mind-numbing effects of lack of sleep; a weariness that lessened as baby and parents became acquainted and used to daily routines.

From the moment he was born until he was a few months old is, in fact, a total blur. It’s like nature takes over and forces you to focus solely on the survival of your baby. Everything was so new and, as with learning any new skill, there were awkward fumbles and some tears. While I got through those first few months on a heady mix of pure elation and awe, it was a good self-care plan that cemented it all together. I found the keys to enhancing my wellbeing over this time are also useful for coping as a working mum.

Revitalise

Pregnancy, labour and caring for a newborn, takes it out of you. You need to start replenishing your reserves. Take time for power naps, walks in the fresh air, cups of tea, wholesome food, and delighting in the small things such your child's smile.

Don’t be too proud

"ou may have heard the saying: It takes a village to raise a child. Take all offers of help and aroha. Ask others to lend a hand, or if they offer, gladly accept their generosity, this doesn’t mean you are a failure. One friend, single handily lifted our spirits for weeks with a supply of ready homemade meals. Be honest with your partner, ask for support and arrange time out for both of you. Find a coffee group; you will find kindred souls who understand.

Reduce your expectations

You are no doubt used to having a sense of order in life. Be prepared to set this aside for a while. You don’t need to be a super mum! Be content with completing only a few items on your to-do lists and resist the housework. Take the advice you get that seems useful, and let go of any judgments or critism. Focus on just a couple of books from reputable sources to start with, and dip into more specialized books later if issues arise. It’s tempting to compare your baby’s development to others, instead treasure each moment and your baby’s uniqueness.

Let go

You can’t control everything, and you’ll burn out trying. Pause frequently and remember to take deep breaths. When you have to get up for what feels like the hundredth time that night, be mindful of your thoughts. Resisting it and thinking ‘not again’, will only create resentment. Soften and say ‘yes’ to the moment, it is your current reality. Remember the mantra: ‘this shall pass’. At first it’s difficult to distinguish your baby’s different cries; avoid rushing in at every peep, pause and listen. After a while you will come to know when it’s fine to let them be, and, eventually they learn to resettle themselves.

Persistence pays off

Breastfeeding can be difficult, but persistence pays off. Ask for help, from your midwife, GP, La Leche or discuss with other mum’s at coffee group. You are half way there if you remember to eat well, stay hydrated and get plenty of rest.

Organisation is the key

Work out what routines support your wellbeing, eg, before I breastfeed make sure I have on warm clothes and take a glass of water with me. I was more relaxed, and so was baby. To avoid frustration while I am still losing baby weight, I sorted my clothes so I only had in my wardrobe those that fitted me and that I felt good in.

If you are happy, the family is happy

When my baby was a month old, I hit the wall, I was exhausted and realized I had not had a single moment to myself since he was born. As I was breastfeeding, I had a two-hour window of freedom between feeds. Get someone to cover and head straight for the door.

Don’t stop to tackle last minute chores – go for a walk or treat yourself at a local cafe. Rituals are helpful, if you find it hard to nap when baby naps, at least put your feet up, burn some essential oils or listen to a relaxation CD. Being an older mother, meant I found it difficult to lose my independence, which I felt guilty about.

I came to realise that taking time for myself made me more fulfilled and refreshed, thus a better mother in the long run. When baby is older and routines are more or less established, sit down and work out some personal goals you can work towards, eg, regaining your fitness, taking a correspondence paper or returning to work part time."