Stress Management
Stress at home
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- Take up yoga, it's great for the mind, body and stress. It certainly helped me with a difficult marriage. Submitted by Hope Smith
There are several different type of stress commonly faced at home – here are a few tips to deal with it and keep everyone sweet.
Relationship stress
Bouts of relationship and family stress are almost inevitable. Common causes of relationship stress include: financial concerns, work pressures, time pressures, housework and sex life. Stresses from outside the home can impact on relationships inside of it. However, there are ways of coping with and reducing relationship stress.
| Make time for yourselves as a couple |
Talk and listen to each other |
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Immediate needs and pressures squeeze out time for the most important things like enjoyable time together. This is particularly the case if you are raising children, but this is precisely when it is so important to take time to maintain the relationship.
Set aside some time for doing something simple that you both enjoy: going a walk around the block, or going to the movies once a week.
Prioritise your time together, try not to bring work home, and don’t be afraid to turn down invitations
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Creating distance and turning away can add to stress by making family members feel more isolated. Facing stressful situations together can strengthen relationships, if done supportively.
Together, try to work out some of the root causes of the stress and talk about how you might try to solve them. Try to identify patterns of negative behaviour, for example you might ask yourself if having to win each and every argument helps or hinders your relationship?
Talking about relationship stresses can feel quite threatening, and can be difficult to deal with because it’s often tied up with our ‘sense of self’, but there are a few simple rules for good communication:
- discuss the things that concern you in a positive way: “I'd like it if you did X instead of Y” rather than “I can stand it when you do Y”
- think before you speak
- don't resort to criticism
- accept responsibility for your part and don’t be afraid to apologise.
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Carer stress
Becoming a carer can be extremely stressful for several reasons, including that it’s likely to be accompanied by a major change in lifestyle. Looking after someone who needs a lot of care can make you socially isolated, put you in a new and unfamiliar role and be emotionally and physically demanding. It’s important, therefore, to watch for signs of stress and ensure you have adequate support and systems in place to prevent it.
Top tips for carers
- try to join a support group and talk to other carers (www.caringforcarers.org.nz)
- acknowledge your own stress and talk to family or friends about it
- take time away from caring and don’t feel guilty about doing so
- learn your limits, be prepared to say no to requests on your time if you aren’t up for it
- learn relaxation techniques
- exercise and eat well, look after yourself.
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Stress from grief
Coping with the death of a someone close to you is one of the hardest things we ever have to deal with. Grief can cause stress hormones to be released into the body for lengthy periods of time making you susceptible to ill-health. However, it’s useful to understand the feelings grief, including tiredness, changes in appetite, sleeplessness, anger, confusion and guilt. They are all natural responses to loss and it will take time to feel better. Knowing this can give you the time and space to heal.
Dealing with grief
- express your feelings, let yourself feel sadness and anger and tearfulness
- be with caring people
- maintain a relationship with the person who died: talk and think about them, imagine what they might say or do in a certain situation
- take enough time; grieving is a long process
- look after your physical health, eat well and exercise
- postpone major life changes.
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Where to get help when you are stressed
Your GP is the best person to go to for help if you feel you are not coping and need guidance or assistance. Other agencies may also be able to help.
Relationship Services (offices throughout New Zealand) 0800 RELATE (0800 735 283)
Lifeline 0800 543 354
National Depression Helpline 0800 111 757